If you or a loved one has cancer…

Some Suggestions for Organizing a Buddy System

So often friends and family or a person with cancer ask "How can I help? What can I do?" Here is a summary of some tips for helping the person with cancer. I think of it as creating a buddy system. The suggestions that follow are adapted from a presentation I gave at the American Psychological Association, August 1998.

Remember: Check with the patient first before undertaking any of these tasks. Asking for and accepting help is a very personal choice and is not desired by all individuals. Ultimately, the type of buddy system and the tasks they perform remain the patient's decision.

For most people, a diagnosis of cancer creates near paralyzing levels of anxiety at a time when they will most need to effectively mobilize their resources. My work with cancer patients suggests that for many patients, we need to expand the domain of treatment so as to help them manage the crisis of cancer as effectively as possible.

Today I will describe the formation of a buddy system that can play a critical role in helping the patient manage the initial stages of a diagnosis and treatment.

A buddy system consists of one or more significant others in the cancer patient's life who are willing to play an active role in patient care. Members of the buddy system may be geographically near or far.

Each buddy system has a captain or coordinator who I interact with. The captain may or may not be the patient's partner or spouse.

I meet or speak with the patient and each team member and assess their willingness to participate in a buddy system. Questions asked of each team member include: How much time can you give to helping the patient? How comfortable are you with managing the physical needs of the patient? How emotionally close are you with the patient? What types of tasks can you see yourself performing for the patient?

The following examples list some of the usual tasks that patients need help with:

I. Information gathering to help the patient make treatment decisions (local and/or distant buddy). This task includes research (on the computer, on the telephone and at a medical library).

II. Consultations to selected physician (local buddy required). This task can include accompanying the patient to medical consultations, bringing a list of questions and taking notes or tape recording the medical interview, documenting the recommended treatments, inquiring and noting side effects to treatment and quality of life issues and asking about complementary and alternative options.

III. Caregiving during treatment and recovery (local buddy)

a. In hospital, being an advocate for the patient regarding nursing care, pain management, anxiety management, etc. As a visitor to provide companionship. Providing transportation to and from hospital.

b. At home recovery, providing daily personal help (ie. toilet and bathing), food preparation, medication and companionship. Helping with simple tasks such as answering the door or telephone

IV. Details of healing and recovery (both local and distant buddies).

a. Filling out the patient's insurance forms, checking on insurance monies received, making follow-up calls and writing letters to the company if claims are incorrectly denied.

b. Writing thank you notes and making thank you calls to well wishers and those who inquire about the patient's health.

c. Managing household tasks including cleaning to cooking.

d. Helping with childcare if needed including school (i.e. attending a play or parent-teacher visit), transportation (school age children and teenagers), helping with homework, providing after school and weekend supervision.

I have found that organizing a buddy system arid assigning specific tasks maximally supports the patient through the active phases of diagnosis and treatment of the illness and is welcome by friends and family members who wish to be helpful.

If you have specific questions or want help designing a persona1 buddy system, contact me directly by sending an email note: info@DrHaber.com