by
Sandra Haber, Ph.D.
Reprinted from Coping Magazine, Jan/Feb 2002, p. 9.
Think positive! Stay hopeful! Be optimistic!
If you are a cancer survivor, chances are that you've heard this advice ad nauseum. But exactly how do you stay positive when you are coping with cancer? What do you do with worry, fear, anxiety or depression? Are these feelings unhealthy? Should you push them away? How can you learn to fight back? Many survivors wonder... .If I worry about my cancer, will I be causing a recurrence? .If I feel depressed, am I making myself sick? .If I'm anxious about a recurrence, am I compromising my immune system?
The answer to these questions is a resounding "No!"
It may surprise cancer survivors and their loved ones to learn that positive coping includes many "negative feelings".
These negative feelings are normal and healthy and are an important part of the adjustment process. After all, being diagnosed and treated for cancer is a life changing trauma. Life as you knew it no longer exists. For the first time, your sense of immortality is challenged and your daily life is defined by doctors schedules and treatments. For awhile, your physician's waiting room may feel like your second home. With all of these changes, it is perfectly normal to have feelings of sadness and anxiety.
As you recover, your emotions will again change. You may wish to put this all behind you, but will probably find that forgetting is an impossible option. Like other life traumas such as a car accident, fire, tornado or robbery, there is a normal process of shock, disbelief, grief and recovery. The post treatment period includes integrating the cancer experience into your life. In other words, as a cancer survivor, you do not simply return to your old life. Rather, you will remember and use the cancer experience to move forward in a different, hopefully, improved manner. You will change and grow from this experience, difficult as it may be.
Permitting oneself to go through this psychological process is to positively cope with your cancer experience. It is important to remember that each person's path is different. Unlike standardized medical procedures that treat the physical aspects of cancer, the psychological process by which people cope is more individualized and unique.
Consider the following positive coping choices and see which ones might be right for you.
l. There is good evidence that expressing your feelings has a positive impact on your health. Begin to give yourself permission to verbally express negative feelings of sadness, worry and grief. You may decide to talk to a close friend, to seek a cancer support group, or speak with an informal network of survivors. Recent research has indicated the overall positive impact of being part of a cancer support group. One of the most helpful aspects of a cancer support groups is the immediate sense of normalization, since having cancer is the requirement for joining this group. A cancer support group offers shared experiences, useful tips and an opportunity to freely express your thoughts and feelings, knowing that others will offer understanding and acceptance. Of course, this doesn't mean that support groups are right for everyone, but if the idea appeals to you, consider participating in a cancer support even if it is for a brief period of time.
2. Consider finding a non verbal outlet for your feelings. Examples of non-verbal expression of feelings include music, art and journal writing. In fact, recent studies has shown that disclosing emotionally upsetting events through journal writing have resulted in clear improvements in well being and health.
Journal writing simply requires 20 minutes of private time during the day to reflect on your most intimate thoughts and feelings.
3. Give the cancer experience meaning. It's helpful to use the cancer experience to "do life better" whether that means working fewer hours, being more positive with your spouse, playing with your children or simply taking time to "smell the roses". Some cancer survivors report that life is better after cancer taught them to appreciate their families, friends and experiences.
4. First person accounts of cancer experiences can help you feel more positive about your experience. Many cancer survivors have written "their stories". It is helpful to read about a survivors journey and relate to the feelings they have had. You will notice both similarities and differences between your experiences and their experiences, but typically these first person accounts are useful in decreasing feelings of isolation and aloness. An added benefit is that you will often discover helpful coping tips and outside resources.
5. Pay attention to creating a healthy lifestyle that includes diet, exercise and sleep. Try to minimize any unnecessary stress and let daily hassles remain small hassles.
6. Consider physical activity as a natural medicine. Aside from being helpful for overall physical health and well being, physical activity works wonders as a natural antidepressant to lift your spirits.
Find something you like to do like water aerobics, dancing, yoga or simply walking. Remember that exercise is often more fun when you have company. Look for an exercise companion and make an ongoing exercise date!
7. Get the most out of your medical team. Many survivors so appreciate their physicians that they "don't want to bother them" with seemingly trivial questions. However, most physicians are trained to respond to questions and rightly or wrongly assume that a problem does not exist unless a question is raised. Feel free to share your concerns with your medical team. They are well trained in issues involving sexuality and sexual desire, anxiety, fatigue and depression. It often helps to make a list of questions to bring with you to your next office visit. If a particular item seems complicated or you suspect it will require some consideration or research, consider faxing the question to the office a day or two before your scheduled visit.
In conclusion, know that most cancer survivors experience the full range of emotional feelings. Most survivors have had some bad days. Most survivors have some sleepless nights. You are not alone. Experiencing some negative feelings is all part of the process of successfully coping with cancer. Learn to express your feelings and seek out supportive relationships. Communicate any problems or concerns to your medical team. Most of all take pride in your cancer survivorship. Psychologists are uniquely able to assess, respect and enhance quality of life choices for each individual patient.
